To
seek a writer’s talent, is to find the writers indiscipline as well. Most
writers are really good at their craft, the very special among us are even
better at organisation and timeliness, decidedly this writer doesn’t fall into
that category. This would have been up sooner, but I spent a lot of time
clearing the dust and cobwebs before I could resume writing. It’s funny how
when I began to document my experiences in restaurants I vowed that I would
always be consistent, and despite coming late to the blogging enterprise I
would keep it going and promote my fancy of fine dining. Yeeeeeaahhhhhhh.
Although
I am 17 days and 3 months into it, I would like to wish one and all a Happy New
Year, may the road always rise to meet you all. In the time that I have been
absent, I have had the pleasure of being introduced to new restaurants and
re-visit old ones too. In that period it seems the city of Abuja has woken up
to the fact that it will not be Lagos when it comes to the social catalogue, it
will not be the City that doesn’t sleep, it is now and may always remain the
City that strolls in the evening, stays up a bit late to catch re-runs of
Fraiser and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air then goes to bed. Abuja: the City that
strolls.
So
what has happened is almost everywhere you turn now there is a new restaurant
or bar of sorts, or some establishment for leisure and social activity that
promises not to try to hard but will keep you interested all the same; and all
with charming names like Beer Barn, Tulip Bistro, Heavenly Deliciousness (Sorry
that sounds like a Stripper, pretty certain there is an episode of The Boondocks that has that) and the
list continues. I suppose the logic is why open a skating rink, or laser-tag or
go-cart arenas for a city of poseurs, who want to talk about Nigeria’s sorry
state of affairs without actually doing anything about it, or how there is no
quality art or music out there. I should know. I am one of them.
No,
No, Abuja is not for people who actually want to do anything or get anything
done, it is why it is the perfect place to host the Nigerian Government, we
like to talk, we like to muse. Sweat, sweat is for humans, there are only
celestials in Abuja, sweat and action is what happens in places south of the
Benue and Niger, in places like Lagos. No, in Abuja, we like to wear starched
shirts, kaftans and even tighter trousers while we sip on our Café Latte and
Green Tea in 30 degree Celsius heat. Abuja is the City that strolls and goes to
bed at a respectable time, no, no, Abuja isn’t the city that doesn’t sleep;
that’s what Lagos does. Vampires.
Tucked
away in the Wuse ll district of Abuja in a shopping complex- for our
non-resident readers a shopping complex in Nigeria is meant to be a shopping
mall without the ambition and where very little shopping takes place- is Nkoyo,
a charming Afro-Continental restaurant. Now, this Consummate Experience wasn’t
my first experience of Nkoyo, I had been there on two previous occasions but
hadn’t been able to eat. The first occasion I had stuffed my gob at nearby
Salamader and since I wasn’t being sacrificed to the gods didn’t see the need
to continue stuffing my face.
On
the second occasion I had just removed a pestersome incisor immediately before
arriving there for a meeting, turns out all those horror tales they tell when
you were a child about too much sugar are true. So I watched while everyone
else ate and seemingly enjoyed themselves, I could only communicate my
bitterness and vow for vengeance with my eyes, in retrospect all I may have
succeeded in doing was winking at them which would have led to seriously
awkward conversations had they noticed me or taken me seriously.
So
my consummate experience was a bit of a triumphant return, I had come to eat.
Like I said earlier Nkoyo is tucked away in a Shopping Complex, it is also the
restaurant at the top. (I am sorry, you know I had to), as it is on the third
floor on the north face of the building. It is a bit of a climb as our shopping
complexes don’t have elevators. But it may help you work up a healthy appetite.
Nkoyo
set a traditional African feel and walking through the door, you notice that
while the interior décor may be sparse it boldly endorses African prints, the
use of space is commendable as our shopping complexes usually host corporate
bodies who haven’t the need, funds or ambition for proper commercial real
estate, and in these offices, most of them Architectural, Construction,
Surveyor or Legal firms this same space would usually only hold a few desks and
office furniture. But Nkoyo could easily do 32-50 covers and still has space
for a grill and back of house. The use of space is commendable, and it probably
makes more sense that two of these units were merged to create more space. The staff
are friendly, courteous and responsive, and also dressed in African Prints.
The
menu for Nkoyo continues the trend; it is a simple choice of Afr0-Nigerian
dishes and more recognisable continental dishes and special selection from
their grill. So you are likely to see Nigerian staple dishes there like Ofada
Rice & Stew, Moi & Moi –what our European Friends have called Bean
Pudding, people tend to forget that sometimes what makes a meal good is the
name by which it goes, bean pudding can never taste like Moi Moi, the same way
Pizza cannot taste like Omi Obe ati
breadi (translation Tomato paste and bread). You are just as likely to see
Lamb Shoulder with Rice, or Grilled Pork Ribs.
I
ordered rapidly, a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, the baked plantain
cakes as a starter, Lamb Shoulder with Rice, and under my breath I ordered the
Pork Bratwurst Sausage with mashed potatoes as take away; if my experience were
to be cut-short unexpectedly or disrupted, I would at least make sure that it
continued at home. It is called insurance. Around the table there were calls
for the seafood platter and fruit salads from friends of the Consummate
Experience, who need no introduction.
I
understand that the ownership of Nkoyo is the same as that of Wakkis, an Indian
Restaurant that I have reviewed here.
That explains the open grill and the restaurant furniture; they seem to a
penchant for wood.
Shortly afterwards our waiter comes back to
inform me that they do not have the usual beer mug with which they serve their
orange juice, and I would have to make do with a rather slim glass. I informed
the gentleman that in that case, I would simply drink two glasses as one, he
laughed and he thought I was joking till it was time to settle the bill.
He
came back to ask if I would like to wash my Heinz, I thought that a side of
Heinz baked beans might do till my Nigerian translator kicked in and I
understood it to mean wash my hands, I smiled and agreed to the hot towels. He
brought the hot towels and the starters for those who had ordered starters, at
once the table was littered with a platter of spring rolls and chicken wings
and my order of baked plantain cakes; It never ceases to amaze me how
conversation comes to an end when there is food on the table, without warning
the conversation just halts. The real talent is continuing the conversation while
eating without making it obvious, I was with some talented individuals on the
day and we didn’t break stride. The plantain cakes broke softly when you chewed
into them, but I was expecting something a little more memorable and while it
was a refreshing idea, the only thing I can remember about the meal was the
pepper with which it came. I remember spending more time wishing I had ordered
something else.
The
food came in short order, and we had to tell the waiter to hold the food while
we finished the first course. Eventually the food arrived and the waiter asked
if I would like that with rice, typically I would have gone into some
smart-assed sarcastic tirade about how the name of the meal is called Lamb
Shoulder with Rice, but ever since I had dental surgery and while I was under I
saw the spirits of my ancestors, I have found a new appreciation for…….nah I am
yanking ya, I was too hungry to care. I hurried him along and dug into my meal.
The
lamb came off the bone with little difficulty, and it has been hard to forget
the meal since, it stuck to the fork like it was meant to be there. You know
you are having a good meal when you spend some time contemplating whether you
should take the next bite because it will be gone. Good meals also shut you up;
no matter how talented you think you are, or how many restaurants you have been
to good food will shut you up. Your mouth cannot behold wonder and speak
rubbish at the same time. Eventually the table fell quiet; silence of the lamb.
As
much as I enjoyed the meal, I quickly found that the meat tore a bit too easily
and in the end all I was left with was the bone, much the same as the rush you
get when you drink a slushy and realise that the sugar rush is for a moment and
all you will be left with is tasteless ice. I wish the meal would have lingered
a bit longer, but it was gone as soon as it arrived. But I took heart in the
knowledge that somewhere in the back my pork bratwurst was waiting to be united
with me.
The
bill came and for everything on the table; a tidy sum of N15,000.00, the
gentleman waiter who had thought I was joking about having two glasses of juice
as one soon found out I am not that funny. Gen, gen, Start Saving or Die Trying
coming to a cinema near you!!!
Nkoyo
is located on 1 Bathurst Street, off Aminu Kano Crescent, Wuse ll, Abuja and
can be reached on +234 70 98 209204 or on +234 70 988 13704
Sidenote:
In the time that we have been gone, Chef Simon of Clan Fame and who was
featured on our last entry Becoming
a Member of the Clan passed away from complications in surgery. He was
a brilliant chef and an even better human being and Clan Café will simple not
be the same without his towering presence. Spare a moment to say a word of
prayer for him and his family should you believe in that sort of thing. May the
only Oga at the top keep us all safe.
